I'm 31. Still a pup yet old enough to start noticing some patterns. Old enough to have done things a few times and also notice what works and what doesn't. I'm almost to the point where I actually am looking at what doesn't work and realizing I can do it differently.
I guess this process I'm speaking of is life and living life and learning and wisdom, and yada yada yada...I also think I'm realizing that I'm not the only one who wishes I had it all figured out.
Lately I've been observing 2 phenomenons:
1. doing things not-so-repeatedly that cause me to feel good
2. doing things very-very-repeatedly that cause me to feel like shit

Let us focus on the shit, shall we?
Spending habits. I want to create an exercise in which I tape a 1, 5, 10, & 20 dollar bill to a poster board. There will be room around each bill where I can make notes of what I associate with each bill. I am going to do that this week.
In the meantime, as I think about my spending habits, I notice that I mostly spend my extra money (of which I actually have none, hence this topic) on things very-very-repeatedly that make me feel like shit.
The Grand Puba, Holy Grail, Whopper of all this frivolous spending is on food. Going out to eat with friends, zipping through somewhere for a quick b-fast/lunch/dinner, grabbing a snack, etc. For years I have beat myself down about my weight, food as a coping strategy, low self worth, etc. Although all of these things are factors that ultimately play an integral role in the topic, the underlying theme seems to be acting out some behavior that inevitably leaves me feeling like a lump-o-crapolla.
Food has been an easy one to focus on b/c it's the biggie that gets me feeling crappy. Ultimately though, it's even more so about spending my money on something, anything, that will reinforce the crappy feeling. The belief that I am worthless, that I do not make good decisions, that I am incapable of making it on my own, stupid, etc.

work calls...